Confessions of a Story Teller

 

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I have a confession.  I’m a storyteller.  I tell stories.   And, here’s an interesting fact, so do you!  In this blog I am going to illustrate to you why and how we’re all born story tellers and how being aware of our stories can change our lives.

Stories are crucial to our evolution.  Stories are what make us human, not in a metaphorical sense but in a literal sense.  Our brains are hardwired to create stories and to respond to stories.

Hers is an example.  A cat sits on the sidewalk and a bird lands close by.  The cat goes into stalk mode and pounces.  He misses the bird.  What does the cat do next?  He shakes himself, walks off and curls up for a nap.  What he doesn’t do is create a story about what happened.

Now imagine this.  A human sits on the sidewalk with his bird catching net.  A bird lands nearby and the human swings but misses the bird.  What might the human do next?  We might hear this – “I’m such a bad hunter”, “I shouldn’t have tried to catch that bird, I knew I couldn’t do it”, “I hope nobody was watching me, they’ll think I’m a total loser”, “Maybe I should take up basket weaving, I’ll probably be better at that.”  The human makes up a story about what happened.

Why do we make stories up?  We do it to makes sense of the tremendous amount of information coming at us continually.  We do it to survive. Our brain is faced with a problem of what to do with all the information coming at us and so the solution is found, storytelling.

As Antonia Damasio says in his book, “Self Comes to Mind: Constructing the Conscious Brain”storytelling is something our brains do, naturally an implicitly….It should be no surprise that it pervades the entire fabric of human societies and cultures.”

We think in story. We are constantly seeking meaning.  We are meaning makers.

As Lisa Cron says in her wonderful book, “Wired for Story”, “we are always looking for the why beneath what’s happening on the surface.”  We like to make sense of things and we certainly don’t like being confused.  So, when something happens in our lives, we don’t just look at what happened – we create a story about what happened.  Here is an example:

What Happened

I was away from work and while I was away my boss

assigned a project that I wanted to someone else in the office.

My Story about What Happened

My boss knew I wanted that project.  He purposefully and maliciously waited until I was away so he could give the project to someone else, his favourite.  He wanted to humiliate me so I would quit my job.

After we create our story(meaning), we then operate out of that story as if it were true.  The repeating of our stories to ourselves and others limits our vision of what is possible.  We narrow our scope of possibility.  The more we repeat these stories, the more linked the neural pathways become in our brain.  It’s like we are building a path and the more we use it – it becomes a “super highway.”

The good news in all this is that we can change our stories and change our brains.  Our brains are very malleable and we have the ability to rewire and create new neural pathways and new stories to change the quality of our lives.

When we change our perception – our stories – we can change our reality.

How you ask??

We need to utilize our “thinking” brains – our pre-frontal cortex.  The frontal lobe is the conductor in front of the orchestra.  We have the free will to place our attention where we want.  It requires clear intent.

As Joe Dispenza, D.C. says in “Evolve Your Brain”, “when we use this part of our brain to its capacity, our behaviour matches our purpose, and our actions match our intent – our mind and body are one.”

Some things to consider that will help us write the story we want for ourselves:

1/ Become self-aware.  This requires turning down the noise of our lives and becoming observant to our stories.  Complaints are good indicators of the stories we are telling ourselves.

2/ Make the commitment to change the story.  Don’t let discomfort be a deterrent to change.

3/ Use mental rehearsal to see yourself with the story you want to create.  Do it often.  Mental rehearsal builds new neural pathways.

4/ Fall in love with the idea of a new possibility – a new story – and tell it often.  Tell others and enroll them in your story.

Yes, I’m a storyteller.  Having this knowledge helps me write the stories that can enhance my life and can make dealing with conflict easier and more productive. Hopefully, it can do that for you too.

 

 

8 thoughts on “Confessions of a Story Teller

  1. Becoming self aware is difficult for some folks, and takes some practice itself! So step one is a big one. I think if we rest in a place of love, our own stories play out in miraculous ways, and the stories of others do not have the ability to invade. Thanks for a thoughtful blog, Deborah.

    • Glad it spoke to you. I agree – becoming self-aware is often the most challenging step. I don’t know about you but asking for feedback has not always been at the top of my list of things to do and yet, it is how we shrink our blind spots.

  2. What a great post! I have a number of responses:

    1) I believe that animals DO create stories to make sense out of what happens. My dog Kelsey POUTs when she feels emotionally hurt. By pout, I mean she lowers her head and retreats to a safe corner like a boxer after a foul. A little petting helps her forget about her “story” for a while. I’ve seen so many instances of this pouting as well as other behaviours like her excited reaction to my suggestion that we go for a walk in the park, that I believe she creates stories that result in her behaviour changes all the time!

    2) FRAMING is a powerful tool for changing our stories. What we focus on determines how we feel.

    3) Framing, perceptions, mantras, and ‘paying attention to what you want more of’ are key secrets to success revealed in my own Kindle book on Amazon, Workplace Champion By Example, A Step-by-Step Training Guide.

    I support most of what you have written above and welcome an opportunity to join the discussion.

  3. Thank you, Deborah.
    My favourite ‘wake up’ section – We need to utilize our “thinking” brains – our pre-frontal cortex. The frontal lobe is the conductor in front of the orchestra. We have the free will to place our attention where we want. It requires clear intent.
    The picture of the conductor having free will is a dynamic combination.
    .

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